Tough love for you working girls

This year I turn 30. And unlike the panic that the media says is the natural and appropriate response to such a horrid event, I’m quite pleased with the premise of being a mature adult. Now years past the awkward stages of being the rookie at work, I can now discern between the girls and women of the office. And being in such a male dominated industry as mine, it’s especially difficult for  females. It’s damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Thankfully I’ve come out of my career’s formative years with a strong reputation thanks to a great upbringing and a professional wardrobe. Notice I didn’t mention competence or work ethic because unlike our male counterparts, we don’t really get judged on our ability until we’re judged on our looks first. I hate to admit it, but it’s all too true.

So day after day, I observe the younger girls in the office and wish I could share the wisdom I’ve gained in my old age. But I’m not one to pass on any unsolicited advice. So instead, I’ll just tell the internet. Because I’m dying to blurt it out somewhere.

1. For Lady-Man: I saw you at the bar the other night with your group of male colleagues. You were dropping the f-bomb like it was world war 3. Your attempt at being one of the boys is failing miserably. I saw the others inch away from you in embarrassment as you recanted unladylike stories of how you dominated the tech guys into submission. Be a lady.
2. For Miss Skin: I know it’s casual Friday but cleavage should never be introduced into the workplace. I know you swing your hips and lean over in a certain way to grab attention from your male superiors. Problem is, it’s not the kind of attention you want. The conversations you provoke behind closed doors are never about promotions. Trust me, I’m there.
3. For Too Busy to Care: You work hard and you’re quite intelligent. It’s ok not to want to be judged on your looks. In fact, you should demand it. However, putting in an effort to look presentable is not selling out. It does not mean you’ve become a bimbo. Try a tailored outfit and some mascara. It will work wonders.
4. For Overkill: So you look the part and you’ve demonstrated competence but you need to get that stick out of your behind. It won’t kill you to smile; not everyone wants to take you down. Stop taking yourself and your job so seriously and relax yourself a bit. Or else it’s a lonely and cold crawl to the top.
5. For Betty Crocker: You’ve resigned to the fact that you’re not going to be the CEO, but have a little respect for yourself. Pull back a bit on the gossip, the whining, and the decorating of the cube like it’s your craft room. We all love when you bake cookies but you’re our colleague not our mom.
6. For all of you other ladies, it’ll be ok! You’re doing a great job. Don’t be apologetic all the time, as we women too often tend to do. Value yourself, you’re fabulous!!

It’s tough to hear, I know. But it’s tough love. I’m trying to help, I promise. What you do on the weekends or at home is your business. What you do in my office is my business. Stand tall, wear pantyhose, tuck in your shirt, and look me in the eye when you speak. You’ll thank me for it one day.